Telling and Talking 0-7
This booklet is for parents of children age 0-7yrs in heterosexual couple, solo mum and lesbian families and of all donation types. As the Telling and Talking booklets were all written before DC Network had experience of parenting by gay male couples there are no direct references to these families, but the principles remain the same. Chapters cover Making the Decision to Tell, Preparing to Tell, Language – for referring to the donor, parts of the body and about being ‘special’; Your Child’s Development and ‘Telling’; Children of Single Parent or Lesbian families; ‘Telling’ if you have a Known Donor; Issues around Telling when your donor is Anonymous and a final section addressing mixed feelings regarding donor conception and the fear of rejection in teenage years. Written in a clear and easy to read style, this booklet, like the next three in the series, is full of quotes from experienced parents of donor conceived children.
Parents may also want to read Telling and Talking with Family and Friends to help with openness with relatives and others and Our Family, which is designed to be given to family and friends to help their understanding of donor conception and what it means for all involved.
Our Story (egg donation and surrogacy in mum and dad families – single baby)
This delightful, beautifully illustrated book, aimed at children from 2-6yrs, explains in simple words and pictures how Mummy and Daddy went to the clinic to get some help when they were trying to have a baby.
The book is written in the first person, from the child’s perspective, and explains how a donor gave some of her eggs and a surrogate offered her tummy to help Mummy and Daddy. There is a simple explanation of how you need a seed from a man and an egg from a woman to make a baby and a warm tummy to grow the baby in but there is no reference to sex. It talks about how there are different ways to make a family and they come in all shapes and sizes.
There is no specific explanation of what treatment was used (eg IVF) and there are no details about who exactly the donor or surrogate are. The book is designed as a simple starting point for parents to begin sharing the family story with their child. Parents can then build on that with more precise details as and when it feels appropriate. For example, you can add the details of your treatment as you tell the story to give a fuller picture. If you have a known surrogate or have information about the donor you can introduce that into the story at some point, if you wish.
A review from a parent:
‘After searching high and low we were delighted to find DCN had recently published a book for young children incorporating both egg donation and surrogacy; the first of its kind that we could find. Something about it captured our 18month old on the first reading and as soon as it was finished she asked for it to be read again. The book is worded simply and carefully, with lovely illustrations and by coming back to it regularly over the coming years I’m sure it will help her immensely to understand how we became a family and help her to feel secure knowing how much she was wanted and is loved.’
