We do a lot of work helping parents build confidence in telling their children they were conceived with the help of a donor. We produce books and workshops and have a support network of families to give people the resources and services they need to be open. Similarly, it’s important that your close family members know that you donated. As a minimum we’d recommend that your partner and children are aware.
We don’t want donor conceived children to discover the fact of their origins in an unplanned way or after doing a home DNA test. Similarly, we don’t want your children or close family to discover the fact that you were a donor in an unplanned or unintended way. If your brother or cousin got an unexpected match on a DNA test it would be much better if they were able to think, “Ah, I wonder if this is a donor conceived person connecting with me,” instead of thinking, “This makes no sense, it must be a mistake.”
We have a range of books for children and that includes six versions for donors – called My Story, My Gift – to help you explain your donation to your own children in age appropriate language. Although the story is designed for young children aged 5-8 years, the book can also work for older children. You can use it as a framework for how to talk to other members of your family as it gives a structure and narrative as a starting point that can be adapted. We offer it as a support tool to give donors confidence in sharing the information and to encourage them to be more open.
