Telling and Talking 0-7
This booklet is for parents of children age 0-7yrs in heterosexual couple, solo mum and lesbian families and of all donation types. As the Telling and Talking booklets were all written before DC Network had experience of parenting by gay male couples there are no direct references to these families, but the principles remain the same. Chapters cover Making the Decision to Tell, Preparing to Tell, Language – for referring to the donor, parts of the body and about being ‘special’; Your Child’s Development and ‘Telling’; Children of Single Parent or Lesbian families; ‘Telling’ if you have a Known Donor; Issues around Telling when your donor is Anonymous and a final section addressing mixed feelings regarding donor conception and the fear of rejection in teenage years. Written in a clear and easy to read style, this booklet, like the next three in the series, is full of quotes from experienced parents of donor conceived children.
Parents may also want to read Telling and Talking with Family and Friends to help with openness with relatives and others and Our Family, which is designed to be given to family and friends to help their understanding of donor conception and what it means for all involved.
Primary School Resources – For parents, children and teachers
The pack was designed around the UK school curriculum but has many overlaps with any country’s primary education system. It contains five main documents:
1. Information for parents – Why tell?
This is a document exploring reasons to tell the school/nursery about the fact that your child is donor conceived or reasons why you might not want to.
2. Letter to the teacher
We have a range of letters that are customised depending on your family situation (solo mum, solo dad, two mums, two dads, mum and dad) and the donation type used (plus surrogacy where relevant). After purchase, we will email you to find out which version you want. The letter to the teacher is designed to be either:
- Used as a resource to think about how you might approach the school
- Given straight to the teacher
- Used as a guide for topics you might want to mention to a teacher but to be raised verbally rather than using a letter
- Used as a template to write your own personal letter
The letters are guidelines and suggestions and are definitely not meant to be prescriptive. You can use them to create your own letter using a language and tone that you feel comfortable with.
In the letter, when we say ‘immediate family’ we are referring to just parents and children. The mention of the lack of genetic link gives an opportunity to add that this is why a child may not look particularly like you, if you wish. The letter doesn’t include reference to known donors or surrogates, so you may wish to add this detail in conversation.
3. Information for teachers
This gives primary school teachers some background with regard to what donor conception is and isn’t. It clarifies how the topic might come up in the playground or classroom and why it might be important for them to be aware of this.
4. Classroom resources – for teachers
This document offers suggestions on how donor conception might be integrated into the curriculum under topics such as Families and All About Me or within discussions on difference, inclusion, emotions or friendship for example. The resource also includes a bibliography of wonderful books on difference and families for the school library or for use in the class where appropriate. Parents might also like to look at the list for ideas for good titles to have at home too.
5. Questions from friends – for children
To complete the set of resources we also created some simple child-friendly sample dialogues that children could use in the playground if other children comment or ask questions. The conversations include suggestions for how to simply bat a question away as well as possible ways to answer if they choose to.
As with the ‘Letter to the teacher’, these examples are designed to be conversation starters at home and are not prescriptive. Children and parents can look at them together and work out what the child might be comfortable with saying, or come up with other ideas. The intention is to support conversations at home and empower children to be confident in telling their story if they wish to do so.
Print or PDF? Please note that this product is the printed pack and you will receive hard copy materials in the post. We also have a PDF version available here.
