Calling for help

Human connection – it’s SO important. Even in this digital era. Well, perhaps especially in this digital era. It’s certainly something we prioritise and is one of the values at the heart of what we offer, including our focus on peer-to-peer support, both online and in-person.

But did you know that we also run a helpline?

A helpline that anyone can call and where a real human picks up?

People are sometimes surprised when they ring the office number, particularly if they aren’t members, and they are greeted with a warm voice and have the opportunity to speak to a genuine person who will offer a listening ear and potentially provide support, helpful information and signposting.

AI, automated messages, chatbots and digital services can offer speed and convenience. But there are times when people aren’t just looking for a quick answer. They want to be heard, understood and treated as a human being. For something as sensitive and personal as infertility, family building and donor conception we think it’s essential that people have somewhere to go to bring their concerns or queries where a real person will be able to respond. We know it can make a profound difference.

Of course, staffing a helpline is resource heavy. You need people available and willing to answer the phone and they have to have the necessary skills, knowledge and approach, given the sensitive nature of some of the calls. But it’s also a hugely rewarding part of the work we do. It reminds us of the importance of human connection and the value of a conversation, of listening and of being able to be there for people at a time of need.

It can be particularly valuable for people in more complex situations, either facing tricky decisions or dealing with overwhelming emotions. We may be one of the few places they can go to express their thoughts and emotions.

We’ve had donor conceived people call us when they’ve just found out, following a DNA test or a family row. Then we might get a call from the other end of that story – a parent of an adult child who hasn’t been told yet, where they want to explore whether they should tell them the truth about their origins. We might be the first people these parents have ever spoken to on the subject after keeping a secret for so long. It might be the first time they’ve heard aloud the words that have been going around in their head for years. It’s a privilege to be the person to receive that private information.

We’ve had women calling after having just been told they will need egg donation, reeling from the shock of the unexpected news, or calling in tears after another failed cycle. Those people are often looking for an immediate opportunity to share their feelings and that’s where the human voice can feel so precious.

Sometimes, parents who are divorcing acrimoniously will contact us for support.  There can also be complex legal situations that callers have found themselves in where they are at a loss as to where to get clarity. We aren’t lawyers but we can start by listening and then signpost on to specialised support.

The hardest calls often involve children. That might be women who, after a long fertility journey, finally pregnant or with a young baby, are now overwhelmed and wondering if they’ve made the right decision. It might be parents calling because their children are struggling and they don’t know how to help. Those conversations can be emotional and for some callers we might suggest professional help as a next step.

Facing any of these issues can feel isolating, lonely and distressing. A human voice can break through and create connection. It can remind people that, on the other end of the conversation, there is another person willing to listen without judgement. I suspect that most of the time the most important thing a person receives from our helpline isn’t a solution, but simply the feeling that someone genuinely cares.

And we do. We really do.

I think, this might be a good opportunity for me to publicly thank our members and supporters past and present (and future!) including our clinic and lawyer supporters and those who donate to our Appeals. Their support and generosity means the charity can offer this valuable service and we are hugely grateful. As are those anonymous callers who have benefitted over the decades.

Thank you!

Nina Barnsley
1st September 2026