Female same-sex couples | Two mum families


Making the decision to use donated sperm, eggs or embryos can be difficult and there are many issues that need consideration. Whether you are a couple or single lesbian, this can feel overwhelming when thinking about all the different aspects. You may have been through a number of medical investigations to determine your fertility as part of this process or you may have just started thinking about having a child. Whatever your situation, you are welcome at DC Network where many of us have faced the questions that are likely to be in your mind right now.

Alternatively, you may already be a parent to a donor conceived child or children and be looking for information and guidance around being open with your child and others, or talking with your child as he or she gets older. One or both of you may already be a parent to a non donor conceived child from a previous relationship, and want to know how to manage the differences in the way your children have been or will have been conceived.

Making your decision

  • Is donor conception right for us?
  • Each of us seems to be handling this differently.  Is this OK?
  • Where to have treatment and will I/we be welcome?
  • Anonymous, identifiable, known (friend or acquaintance) or family donor?
  • What about the child?

Being open with friends, family and others

  • Who needs to know what and when?
  • How can we start to talk about it?
  • What sort of reaction should we expect?
  • How can we respect our child’s right to know first, whilst also being open with those close to us?

Discussing the issue of my/our sexuality

  • What sort of reactions have others experienced?
  • Will my/our sexuality be more visible to others? How do others cope with this?
  • How can we start to talk about it?
  • How can we discuss this with the child/children?
  • How can we begin to discuss this with schools/GPs etc?

Telling your child

  • Is there a ‘right’ age to start telling?
  • What language should we use?
  • What happens if and when our child starts sharing what we are telling them with others?

Your child’s rights

  • Will my child be able to have information about their donor and/or make contact with her/him?
  • Will my child be able to contact other children conceived with the same donor or children in the family of the donor?

Does the donor have any rights?

  • What can donors know about the children they have helped create?

For the non-biological parent

  • Can I love a child I am not genetically connected to?
  • Will that child love me?
  • What happens if my child accuses me of not being their ‘real mother/parent'?
  • How can I be a real woman and mother if I can’t grow a baby from my own eggs?
  • What can I do when my mother-in-law implies that she has more connection to our child than I do?

Parenting donor conceived children

  • How will it feel to be a family without a father in the picture?
  • Where can I find information about how donor conceived children think and feel?
  • I’m worried that my child is unhappy/not doing well at school/is being bullied. Could this be because s/he is donor conceived?
  • Where can I find information that will help me talk with my child as s/he gets older?

Personal stories

  • DC Network members recall the pain of infertility, the feelings on donor conception, making the decision, treatment with donated eggs, sperm or embryos and parenting donor conceived children